Day ONE - Have a New Kid by Friday! Kevin Leman

Day 1 of our very 1st Online Book Club!  Woohoo!
I purchased my book for $17.99 at Books A Million...you can purchase one for less by clicking on this link:
I am going to write key points from the book.  I would encourage you to purchase this book so that you can get details and refer back to it when you think you're gonna lose your mind! LOL
Here we go!

WHERE DID THEY ALL COME FROM?

Why do your kids do what they do...and continue to do it?
Your response has a lot to do with it.

You discipline your child, he/she responds, "I hate you!"
How do you respond?
1.  Let the kid have it with a tongue-lashing of your own.
2.  Ignore the kid and pretend he doesn't exist.
3.  Try something new and revolutionary that would nip this kind of behavior in the bud...for good.

In this first chapter...Dr. Leman proves that the only response that opens a door for change and healthy communication is #3.  This response involves changing your child's attitude of ENTITLEMENT.  Our children often feel ENTITLED to cookies and milk, gum at the store, rides to friend's houses, video games, television.

Immediately after unacceptable behavior, Dr. Leman advises mothers and fathers to calmly deny requests for privileges.  Your child will be shocked at first.  Dr. Leman recommends that you wait for the "TEACHABLE MOMENT" when your child wants to ask more questions of WHY and then explain that you will reward disrespect with privileges.  You MUST stick to your guns on this day...tomorrow with better behavior... perhaps more privileges.  The goal is for your child to stop and think before he disses you again.
"Kids do what they do because they have gotten away with it."
Dr. Leman says that parents today are great excuse makers, and they tend to put themselves in blame positions---- "I couldn't get her homework done because I had a business dinner" --- rather than calling a spade a spade: "My daughter didn't get her homework done because she was too lazy to do it."  They spend more time warning and reminding than they do training.

As a result, today's kids are growing more and more  powerful.  They're all about me, me, me and gimme.  They are held accountable less and less and have fewer responsibilities in the family.  Family becomes..."What you can get" instead of "What you can give".  Fewer children today consider others before themselves bc they've never been taught to think that way.
That's why your child's behavior has everything to do with you.  If you allow your child to win, your child's smart enough to try the behavior again next time.  Have a New Kid by Friday is designed to give you the tools to the kind of parent you want to be so that you can have the kind of child you want.

ATTENTION, PLEASE

*All children are attention getters.  If your child can't get your attention in positive ways, he'll go after your attention in negative ways.
*Children are like wet cement - moldable and impressionable.  As they grow the cement hardens.  That's why the earlier you address your child's attitude, behavior and character, the better.
*Training takes TIME.  Dr. Leman encourages you to minimize extra curricular activities and spend your evenings after school...training your children.  "Stay home and spend time together."

POWER STRUGGLES

No more power struggles.  You have much more to lose than your child. You'll never win the power struggle so don't go there.  Instead, establish your authority in the home.
Over the next few days ... Dr. Leman will teach us how.

There was a classic study done inn which researchers conditioned pigeons to peck 3 times in order to receive a reward, a pellet of food.  After the birds were trained, the researchers changed the reinforcement schedule and waited for every 97 pecks, then 140 pecks, then every 14 pecks.  The pigeons were so confused they didn't know what to do.
So how do you effect change in your relationship with your child?  You retrain your pigeon.  You use consistency and followthrough to make your point, never wavering from the goal.
What is your #1 struggle with your child?
In that situation, think of how you can follow these principles:
1.  Say it once.
2.  Turn your back.
3.  Walk away.

If you want your child to take you seriously, say your words once.  Only ONCE.  If you say it more than once, you're implying, "I think you're so stupid that you're not going to get it the first time, so let me tell you again."

WHAT TO DO ON MONDAY?

1.  Observe what's going on in your house.  What areas in your relationship with your child really bother you?
2.  Think about how you'd like things to change.
3.  Decide to take the bull by the horns.
4.  Expect great things to happen.

As you can imagine... there are so many more important details.  I would encourage EVERY mother no matter how old your children are...to get this book and read along with your favored friends!

Lots of Love to you and your new relationship with your children!  See you tomorrow for more awesome insight from Dr. Kevin Leman!