DAY TWO - Have a New Kid by Friday - By Kevin Leman

Disarming the Dude (or Dudette) with the 'Tude

Attitude speaks loudly - even if your child says nothing.  A negative attitude can show itself through many behaviors:  the rolling of eyes, talking back, stubbornness, poor manners, being a know-it-all, whining, the "me, me, me" syndrome, defiance, throwing a tantrum, choosing not to cooperate with family members, showing disrespect, etc.

But where does attitude come from?

Who Do You Butt Heads With?

The answer, in all probability, is the child who is most like you.  Kids who sport attitudes have parents who sport attitudes.  Attitudes are caught, not taught.
The key to changing your child is changing your attitude.
Sometimes we are sporting attitudes and don't even realize it, "This is what's best for you, and this is what you're gonna do - and God help you if you don't"...you're just asking to butt heads with any child who has a strong temperament.
Example:  You give your child a simple request:  "Please take out the garbage." "I'm busy," your child responds.  Ask yourself what you would normally do in this situation?
If your kid is 6, you may use physical force.  If 10, more forceful with words.  "I said take it out NOW!"  The next thing that usually happens, your anger kicks in.  "Just who does this kid think she is?  After everything I do for him!" And you continue to raise your voice.
BUT, what if your attitude changed?  What if you remained calm?  What if you ONLY asked ONCE and walked away?
If they do not do their job...the very next privilege that comes up...you do not do.  "Mom we need to go get my new shoes?"  "Oh, I'm sorry we're not getting new shoes today."  And you walk away calmly.  "I don't feel like taking you to the store."  Then you turn and walk away.  No guilt.  No anger. No explanation.  You're calm and in control.


Wait for the TEACHABLE MOMENT.  Your child will most likely run to you asking why and apologizing.
Accept their apology and tomorrow will be a new day.  But DO NOT GIVE IN when they apologize.

Character is #1.
Character is what really counts.  It's who you are when no one is looking.
Character is caught from those you grow up with, namely your parents.  It's also taught through life-lessons.  (Lots of details in the book)
Character is not only everything, it's the only thing in the long run.  It is the foundation for your attitude and behavior.

3 Simple Strategies for Success

1.  Let reality be the teacher.  Don't rub your child's nose in what he/she did wrong.  In most cases, letting reality be the teacher is discipline in itself.  Don't always rescue your child from consequences of poor planning or irresponsibility.

2.  Learn to respond rather than react.

If the doctor says you "responded" to your medication...that is good.  If the doctor says you "reacted" to your medication...that is bad.

3.  B doesnt happen until A is completed.  There's a way to stick to your guns without shooting yourself, or your children in the foot.

You never have to change your strategy.  It works EVERY time with EVERY age.

Don't announce your strategy, it works better if your child has to figure it out for himself.

When you start applying these techniques, often Attitudes and Behaviors will get worse for a time.  But that's actually good news.  It means you're on the right track!  

The most important thing you do now...consistent action, not words.  Don't embarrass the child on purpose;  you correct the behavior.  Keep the tennis ball of responsibility in his court, not yours.

There is no harassing, no threatening, no warning.  There's no reminding, no coaxing.  There are no put-downs, bc no one wins with put-downs.  In today's democratic society, if you have the right to put me down, guess what I have the right to do?  No one wins in this situation.  Your relationship breaks down. But as you work together on Attitude, Behavior and Character, you can work your way toward a relationship that's mutually satisfying.

Flowers for an awesome mom...YOU!!!